I love it.
That was going to be the entirety of my post — sort of a glib attempt at humour, while acknowledging this important fact. I guess It's a defense mechanism.
Declaring one's feelings is always incredibly risky. Talking about something intimate like that either results in affirmation, apathy, or rejection. Two out of three of those are very undesirable. Apathy may as well be rejection. Anyway, what am I talking about, music or relationships? They're one in the same.
Music is a virus.
Tonight something incredible happened: I inspired someone. It never really occurred to me that such a thing could be possible.
All those years spent not doing — not practicing, not recording, not experimenting, not learning — my thinking was something along the lines of, "Someone else will do it, and they will do it better." But there's always going to be someone better. So that's a terrible reason to not do the thing, and in the process rob yourself of the enjoyment — real enjoyment — of doing something, even badly.
Music really is a universal language. It brings people together. It makes people smile and forget their troubles. Without music, I would be a wreck right now. It's fascinating to have both lost and gained so much in such a short time. And I can be somewhat sanguine about this now only because of this purpose I've found. And lost. Ironic.
And it's spreading.
Someone wonderful infected me this past month. And as a result, I've come out of my shell to update this site and record videos that I never would have recorded otherwise. And people are enjoying them. But that's not the point. The point is that someone infected me, and now I've infected someone else...and maybe they will do the same too!
This is a gift I've been given that I will keep with me for the rest of my life, and while it's bittersweet, I'm heartened that I can at least share it with others. :)